So this week we had to do some online courses for our home study certification. A lot of it did not apply to us because the home study for Foster Care and Domestic Adoption are the same. There was some very enlightening information in these training modules.
For instance, becoming a Culturally Competent Parent. This deals with the multi-racial family dynamic. I never knew what type of impact that would have on a child and this training class really opened my eyes.
For example they did a study of five minority raced adopted or fostered children with white adoptive or foster parents. In this test they did a series of different things and one of them was to give them the choice of a doll or toy that was a minority race that matched their race and a white doll. The results of the test showed that 4 out of 5 of the children selected the white doll.
That completed blew my mind. I would think kids would select a toy that looked like him or her. But the experts state that this often happens in homes where majority parents adopt minority children and do not celebrate their cultural background. Adoptive parents need to talk about their differences in a positive light. Not addressing it or downplaying it can cause a child to feel ashamed of their ethnicity.
Also they showed a video of a little African American girl who was adopted by a white parent, she talked about how much she felt bad when her mom would complain about how difficult her hair was to work with. The mother would say that she was just going to get a relaxer or straightening treatment for her hair so it could be easier to work with. While the mom probably didn't mean to hurt her daughter by saying that in frustration, the little girl felt hurt and ashamed of her hair. I can see how these little things added up can really shape a poor self-esteem for a child. The social worker and psychologist suggested taking children of color to a salon that specializes in ethnic hair , and ask for every day care pointers on dealing with ethnic hair. It also helps to let them spend time with friends who are the same ethnic background so they can feel at ease with who they are.
Another course that I took was on Child Abuse and Neglect. This was a 4 hour long course and I have to tell you, this one upset me quite a bit. When I registered online for the course there was a BIG warning label that said :"WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES IF THESE UPSET YOU OR IF YOU HAVE SUFFERED ABUSE IN THE PAST THESE IMAGES COULD BE TRAUMATIZING. DISCONTINUE THE COURSE NOW AND CONTACT YOUR SOCIAL WORKER" '
Well, how do you deal with this type of warning label, OF COURSE these images are going to upset me and traumatize me they are pictures of children who have been physically abused. This one had me sobbing. I cannot understand how someone could hurt a child. There were pictures of whip marks from an electrical cord, knuckles burnt all the way to the bone by a parent putting their cigarette out on the child's knuckles as a punishment, a little toddler with legs burnt in 3 degree burns because their punishment for crying was to be put in boiling hot water.
These images will stay with me forever. I cannot even express how these images affected me. I want so badly to adopt every kid in the world who has been abused and love them and tell them no one will ever hurt them again. I am so angry that these parents who are undeserving of children can have kids and I have struggled so much. This might be God's way of opening my eyes and telling me that my problems are nothing and absolutely petty compared to a child who should be loved and cherished being terrified about what their parents would do to them next if they misbehave. My heart just breaks for these kids. I wish I could save the world.
For now, I must pray for these children and hope that God provides a home for them and pulls them out of the abusive situation. We have a responsibility also to report any suspicious bruises, burns or cuts to Child Protective Services. A lot of abuse happens at home and unless we are paying attention to the signs we might not know.
We have 30 more hours of training to go for the home study and hope to learn more and open my eyes to the reality that some children are living right now. I grew up in a loving Christian home which is really a glass bubble to these types of atrocities. I pray that I have not missed signs of children in my life who might have been abused at home. Please say a prayer today for children in suffering and remember when you hug your children tonight that another child might be getting abused. If there are local charities that help with abuse situations volunteer and donate time and money.
Matthew 18:10
10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.
