Getting Closer!

So right now we have had our first visit with our social worker and we are working on our second visit this Wednesday. We are so excited because we are so close to having our home study completed. This has been a turbulent ride there are a lot of ups and downs and its hard to comprehend it before you begin so there is no way to prepare yourself. You just have to dive in with full abandon and swim like heck! It's a process that I would gladly go through over and over if it means I get to be a mom. This will be my form of labor pains...in the throes of labor a mother is all about her pain and misery but once that little cry is heard its almost completely forgotten in an instant. That is how I feel about this adoption journey. Its part of the waiting, and laboring process once he or she is here all of this won't even matter it will all be forgotten.

Its so exciting to think of the wonderful things we have in our future. We can barely contain our excitement and giddiness about our future. I thank God every day for the way He has given us peace and guided us through this process. Our social worker made a statement that stuck with us she said that families who come from a faith based place as opposed to those who are not faith based seem to have a smoother time with adoptions. She said right now she has a couple who are not Christians nor do they have any faith, they are very wealthy but they are struggling through the adoption process right now. She has another couple who is virtually penniless and the only way they will be able to adopt is because her parents are paying for the adoption, but they are strong faith filled people. The social worker said the people with no money are just coasting through the process.

That speaks volumes for us, we know that the secret to us being able to keep our wits about us and it is what helps us stay strong is our faith. Faith is believing in something although you cannot see it. I do not see my child in my arms but I have faith that it will happen soon. We need to stay focused and press on. My family and friends have also been such a enormous support to me and Kevin in all of this and I couldn't do it without them. I love you all!

Cookbooks will be here tomorrow so I will be able to get them out to everyone this week!! PLEASE take some to sell to friends and neighbors. Only $15 each and there are over 150 recipes!!!


We are looking for our next fundraiser for the month of May. Any ideas would be appreciated but I am looking at possibly selling Cookie dough or Soy candles. We were going to try for a large yard sale if someone can allow us to use their yard and we can get a bunch of people to donate items to sell. Please let me know if you can donate or if you can have the sale in your yard! We can sell baked goods and lemonade!

Here is where we are in our overall goal:

Fundraising Thermometer by:
Provided by Easy Fundraising Ideas

Please consider making a donation through our secure PayPal site! We are so grateful for any donation no matter how small.

Love always!
Shannon <3

In Service Training

So this week we had to do some online courses for our home study certification. A lot of it did not apply to us because the home study for Foster Care and Domestic Adoption are the same.  There was some very enlightening information in these training modules.

For instance, becoming a Culturally Competent Parent. This deals with the multi-racial family dynamic. I never knew what type of impact that would have on a child and this training class really opened my eyes.

 For example they did a study of five minority raced adopted or fostered children with white adoptive or foster parents. In this test they did a series of different things and one of them was to give them the choice of a doll or toy that was a minority race that matched their race and a white doll. The results of the test showed that 4 out of 5 of the children selected the white doll.

That completed blew my mind. I would think kids would select a toy that looked like him or her. But the experts state that this often happens in homes where majority parents adopt minority children and do not celebrate their cultural background.  Adoptive parents need to talk about their differences in a positive light. Not addressing it or downplaying it can cause a child to feel ashamed of their ethnicity.

Also they showed a video of a little African American girl who was adopted by a white parent, she talked about how much she felt bad when her mom would complain about how difficult her hair was to work with. The mother would say that she was just going to get a relaxer or straightening treatment for her hair so it could be easier to work with. While the mom probably didn't mean to hurt her daughter by saying that in frustration, the little girl felt hurt and ashamed of her hair. I can see how these little things added up can really shape a poor self-esteem for a child. The social worker and psychologist suggested taking children of color to a salon that specializes in ethnic hair , and ask for every day care pointers on dealing with ethnic hair.  It also helps to let them spend time with friends who are the same ethnic background so they can feel at ease with who they are.

Another course that I took was on Child Abuse and Neglect. This was a 4 hour long course and I have to tell you, this one upset me quite a bit. When I registered online for the course there was a BIG warning label that said :"WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES IF THESE UPSET YOU OR IF YOU HAVE SUFFERED ABUSE IN THE PAST THESE IMAGES COULD BE TRAUMATIZING. DISCONTINUE THE COURSE NOW AND CONTACT YOUR SOCIAL WORKER" '

Well, how do you deal with this type of warning label, OF COURSE these images are going to upset me and traumatize me they are pictures of children who have been physically abused. This one had me sobbing. I cannot understand how someone could hurt a child. There were pictures of whip marks from an electrical cord, knuckles burnt all the way to the bone by a parent putting their cigarette out on the child's knuckles as a punishment, a little toddler with legs burnt in 3 degree burns because their punishment for crying was to be put in boiling hot water.

These images will stay with me forever. I cannot even express how these images affected me. I want so badly to adopt every kid in the world who has been abused and love them and tell them no one will ever hurt them again. I am so angry that these parents who are undeserving of children can have kids and I have struggled so much. This might be God's way of opening my eyes and telling me that my problems are nothing and absolutely petty compared to a child who should be loved and cherished being terrified about what their parents would do to them next if they misbehave. My heart just breaks for these kids. I wish I could save the world.

For now, I must pray for these children and hope that God provides a home for them and pulls them out of the abusive situation. We have a responsibility also to report any suspicious bruises, burns or cuts to Child Protective Services. A lot of abuse happens at home and unless we are paying attention to the signs we might not know.

We have 30 more hours of training to go for the home study and hope to learn more and open my eyes to the reality that some children are living right now. I grew up in a loving Christian home which is really a glass bubble to these types of atrocities. I pray that I have not missed signs of children in my life who might have been abused at home. Please say a prayer today for children in suffering and remember when you hug your children tonight that another child might be getting abused. If there are local charities that help with abuse situations volunteer and donate time and money.

Matthew 18:10

¹⁰ “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.

 

CLICK HERE To donate to our Adoption Fund! $25,000 to go!! WE need your help!

Patience is a virtue....

So.... If you ever need an exercise in patience by all means adopt! There is nothing quick or speedy about the home study. Just when you think you've mailed your final packet of paperwork another one comes in the mail that is twice the size.

Trust me, I am not complaining about the copious amounts of paperwork involved in the adoption process, I just wish there was a way to fast forward all the legal mumbo-jumbo stuff and get to the good part! You know, the part where Kevin and I are on our way to the hospital to meet our baby for the first time.

For those of you following our Facebook page "Barnard Baby Dreaming" you probably saw a YouTube video I posted of a couple who were adopting going to pick their son up from the hospital. That's the good part! I cried and cried when I watched them. I suggest you watch it if you have time it's titled "Jacob Chen Adoption Story".

I have been so mixed up in one giant ball of emotions that I cannot even differentiate one emotion from the other....

...But one emotion that stands out above the rest is Joy. I feel so much joy that my dreams of mommyhood will come true soon. I feel joy that I have so much love and support from my family and friends and ultimately I feel joy that God has His hand over this whole process and is guiding us along the way.

Thank you all for your support and donations.  We should have our cook books by Mother's Day so everyone can start buying them. We are also taking pre-orders if you would like one or more just let me know with a comment or message. Also if you want to take 5 or 10 to sell to your friends and family to help a good cause we would greatly appreciate it!!!

Love always,
Shannon

Don't stop believing...

We all know and love that favorite Journey anthem... "Don't Stop Believin"  Admit it, you crank up the volume when the chorus starts and belt it out like the rest of us!

The words "Don't stop believing" are words that have been my mantra throughout this process thus far. You have to keep your eyes on the finish line and believe with all of your heart that you can make it there.

It takes faith, determination, purpose, drive, courage and a giant helping of hope to adopt. I ask God every day to equip me with those tools. Patience is another trait in which I am very much lacking but through this I am slowly calming down and just waiting on His timing.

I still worry about the money...where is it coming from...how will we ever have enough? But He will provide so I need to use my patience and wait.

The gift from my husband for Christmas this year is a necklace with a couple of crosses and the word "Believe" and it serves as a reminder that if we believe God is faithful and just and humble ourselves to His will then He will make a way. He has not let me down yet....

So I will keep wearing this necklace and I will never stop believing that I will hold my baby in my arms soon.

I got the husband I cried to God for so many years ago after my last ugly break-up. I threw my hands up and told God I was done picking out men He was going to have to send me one because I was giving up.  Two weeks later Kevin showed up, coincidence? I think not! And it was perfect timing.

I know once I give up trying to control the situation that God will take over and my child will come home. I am so excited! Keep us in your prayers because the more prayers for this the better.

Don't stop believin'!!!!

Paper paper paper...a tree bravely gave it's life so I could have a child.

Recently Kevin went to Office Depot and bought an ink cartridge for our home printer. He called me from the store and asked me if he should get the XL cartridge (which prints triple the amount that the regular cartridges print) of course me in my constant effort to save money I told him to opt for the cheaper one.

Well...200 pages printed later I am rethinking my choice!  We have many more pages to go.

I have been glad to give the social worker every bit of information about me and my husband, I consider it a joy to know that all of this paperwork and trying to remember dates and addresses and different information about jobs in our past.

If all of this makes me a mommy I am ok with giving them all the info they want..not just ok with it I am excited to give it to them!

Many of us take for granted all of the blessings we have in our life and I want to take the time to say how grateful I am for all of the people in my life.

From those who bought cake pops, t-shirts, coffee to those like my sister, my mom's boss and my friends who have just gone on our PayPal and donated their hard earned money.

I cannot find the words to even express how much you have touched our lives and in turn will touch the live of a child who otherwise may never have known the love of two parents and a whole network of family and friends who already adore him or her.

I also want to thank my precious mother who has been my rock and advocate from day one, she never lets my faith waiver she encourages me and prays for me and I couldn't do this without her support.

I want to thank my Mother in law she is also a support to Kevin and I and has helped tremendously with offering to help with our upcoming cook book fundraiser. I know she prays for us too and I couldn't be happier that she is my mother in law.

I want to thank Mamaw. I am so glad I have her in my life after the loss of my own precious grandmother . To marry my husband and gain a Mamaw is a huge blessing to me. She holds us in prayer. She took the time to hand write over 25 recipes for our cookbook and mailed them to us. What a blessing she is and that really touched my heart. A truly Godly woman.

Ok little baby Barnard you can come home now! You have a whole bunch of people waiting to meet you and who will be a huge part of your life. We already love you and can't wait to be a forever family.  We have a pretty awesome family you will love them all!

New fundraiser! #3

New fundraiser!!!  Selling coffee!! Hoping we have a little something for everyone!!

www.justlovecoffee.com/barnardbabydreaming

Congratulations you are Paper Pregnant!

I heard the term paper pregnant this week. I was curious what that meant. Well, a lot of adoptive parents use that term when they are waiting on their adopted child to come home, much like an expectant mother awaits the birth of her child.

So, I am pregnant!  Words I thought I would never get to say in my lifetime. While I may not be pregnant physically, we are mentally expecting. Paper pregnant! 

I may not know what my baby will look like, his or her gender or race but he or she is already loved immensely. I may not be actually pregnant, but I like the term "paper pregnant" because even though I am not carrying my baby in my tummy I am carrying them in my heart.

I am in this nesting phase where I want the nursery to be perfect but I can't really decorate until we receive our referral and know the gender. I started the babies library with books I saved from when I was a child and some Dr. Seuss classics.

A lot of the time they say that it is human nature to fear the unknown,  although I know this is going to be tough I am so much more excited than afraid. I give God the credit for that. He has given me peace. The only thing I really know for absolutely positively certain is that His hand is on this.

So for now I am paper pregnant.  Kevin thinks that is a really corny phrase, to me it is such a hopeful phrase. I agree it maybe a little cheesy but I like it and I am sticking to it.

A couple of paper pregnant t-shirts I saw were: 
"Am I showing yet? The answer is on my face not my belly"
Also:
" No morning sickness yet, but the paper cuts are terrible !"
Also:
"Mom to be: We just don't know when!"

I know those are silly but cute. It's nice to be able to laugh through the stress of waiting. A quote I saw on another blog put it perfectly :

Steps in the adoption process:
1. Drown in paperwork
2. Eat chocolate
3. Stalk postal worker
4. Act irrational
5. Wait
6. Wait some more!

So patience may not be a strength for me but I have a feeling through this process God is trying to teach me to be patient and to wait on His timing. We have the names picked out for a boy it will be Maddox Liam Barnard and for a girl Mackenzie Rose Barnard. I talk to Maddox and Mackenzie all of the time and tell them its time to come home, Mommy and Daddy are waiting with open arms and hearts to welcome them. Hurry home baby we can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Shannon

Fundraiser #2

So far we have raised a little over $5000.00 towards our ultimate goal of $30,000.00. We have been able to do that in a little over a month and that is phenomenal!

Provided byFund-Raising-Ideas-Center.com

Our next fundraiser is the Domestic Diva cookbooks. Please let me know if you would like to sell some to your friends, families, co-workers and neighbors. We will give them to people to sell as many as they can for a good cause.

Our goal with this fundraiser is to raise $1000.00 by selling 100 cookbooks at $15.00 a piece. The recipes are a combination of my personal recipes mixed with those of my family and friends. So if you want to submit a recipe send it to me so I can add it to my list.

We are so excited about all of those who have offered to help. Even if you cannot afford to donate just offering ideas and help for possible fundraisers is a huge help. We have some ideas for possible future fundraising ventures...spaghetti dinner, pancake breakfast, yard sales, selling unwanted items on eBay and Craigslist and we have our T-shirt website of which 25-45% of the proceeds go to our adoption fund . Click this banner to access that site go to "Family Fundraisers" and look for "Barnard Baby Dreaming " :




Thank you all for your continued prayers and support.
Love Shannon

My two cents

A long time ago I figured that if I ever got married there'd be a houseful of kids soon after. Well things don't always go like we figure.

Fast forward to now. Shannon and I are on this journey to start our family through adoption. It's a big undertaking. I wish I had words to describe all I feel throughout the day. I'm constantly trying to fathom that in a few months I'll be a dad...at 41. Oh it's a weird feeling to think I'll be 60 when our child graduates, yikes!

Some have wondered aloud about our decision to adopt a newborn. Shannon and I are in agreement. We want to experience all the firsts of our child. I can't imagine what it is like for my dear wife, but whatever I can do to make her desire to be a mommy come true I'm going to do just that. Like always we value your opinion, but it doesn't mean we're going to change a decision we've already made.

We desire your prayers and support and thank you for it in advance.

CLICK HERE to Order your adoption T-shirt!! Proceeds go to our adoption fund!!

Dealing with Opinions

One of the questions asked of us is why we want to adopt a newborn when there are thousands of older children waiting for homes.
  I can only answer that with this statement: I may never conceive, I may never feel a baby kick, I may never experience the joy of seeing and hearing my baby's heartbeat on a sonogram. I may never get to say oh he has Kevin's eyes or experience labor. 
I do not have control over those things. I must tell you that I most certainly want a newborn baby because I want to be there for all of my child's firsts. I want to hear their first word, see their first step and kiss their first boo boo.
I apologize to those who feel that makes me selfish but my desire to be a mother encompasses from day one on. I am missing a lot already and I don't want to give up the earliest part of my children's lives.
There may come a time when after we have adopted and our kids are older we will consider adopting an older child,  but for now a newborn baby is our dream.
I feel like those who have not experienced the hurt and emptiness of infertility can not comprehend the way you feel cheated and robbed of something you feel is your God-given right.
So we may face opposition and negativity from those who should support us it may dampen our spirits slightly. Nonetheless we shall stay the course and embark on this life altering journey to parenthood.
We understand people have opinions and in no way are we stating we are upset by them. We just want to make a blanket statement to express our feelings on the matter and why we have made the decisions we have.
Trust me adoption is not for the weak of heart and we still don't entirely know where all of this $30,000 is coming from but I do know this, where God guides, He provides. (Thank you Sandy Kaminsky for that quote it has been the underlying theme of this adoption process so far.)
Thank you all for you love and support. This is the most important thing we have done aside from our salvation and getting married. It's HUGE! We are so excited and so scared all at once
Love,
Shannon


Click Here to order an adoption t-shirt!!!

Provided byFund-Raising-Ideas-Center.com

Fundraiser #1

So our first fundraiser was really successful. We made Valentine's Cakepop bouquets.

The bouquets turned out really good and the cakepops were delicious. We made chocolate, white and red velvet cake flavors. We sold them for $1.25 each or in arrangements ranging from $12-$40.  

We have made some great progress and are so excited yet nervous about what comes next! 

Our first goal is to raise $4000 which pays the homestudy fee of $1500 and the agency fee of $2500. To us $4000 is a lot of money and for this adoption it is only the tip of the iceberg. Adoption will cost us anywhere from $15,000-$30,000. which is a huge chunk of our income for the year. 

I am happy to state we have raised with the help of friends and family $3000 of our $4000 goal and are so close! There is so much anticipation and excitement in our hearts right now we could burst!

We have the contract and all of the legal paperwork ready to get notarized. We send that into the agency and they will call us to schedule our homestudy.

I must be honest, the homestudy intimidates me. Its another one of those necessary evils, you really want to adopt and be a mommy, but you have to pay someone $1500 to basically judge if you are fit to be a parent.

The unfair part of that is there are babies born who are unwanted every day, and no one is at their parents home deciding whether they get to have the baby or not. In most cases there probably should be someone there to make sure the children are cared for properly, fed, clothed and bathed and are not living in absolute squalor.

We have this special gift as human beings to pity ourselves and whine and cry about the things out of our control. I must tell you I had my self-pity moment for about a year! I basically was in mourning about my "failures" as a woman. I felt that my infertility was a failure to do what was the most basic thing a woman should be able to do and that is bear children, procreate etc.

After all, when I was a kid all I wanted to do was be a mommy when I grew up. I didn't see anything that would be more important than that. I wanted to be the best mommy in the whole world. Help my kids with school crafts, sports  and take them to church and raise them the way I was raised to respect my elders and God.

I feel that anyone who has gone through infertility needs to grieve, it is a loss of the children you  would have had or the children you dreamed you would have. Did Kevin and I sit there and discuss what our kids would look like, absolutely, I wanted a little girl with my black hair and Italian skin and Kevin's bright blue eyes and he wanted a sturdy son who he can teach to play football. We had our dreams and we have successfully understood that they may never be. You have to mourn and grieve that and move on.

Once we were finally able to get past the heartache and sense of loss. We chose to look up. We chose to stop wallowing in self pity and to stop feeling jealous of people who could just "get pregnant" their first time trying. Nobody likes a bitter hard person, I did not want to be that girl.

So we have all of this hope and love to give to our new child whether a boy or a girl he or she will be loved tremendously and spoiled I am sure by us and our loving supportive family. There is some great lessons to be learned in this process and Kevin and I are willing and able students.

So lets just keep positive and trudge our way along this path to adoption and see what God has in store for us, I am convinced that God would not have put these desires of mommyhood in my heart if he was not going to allow me to be a mommy. In the meantime we need all of your prayers and support.

Click here to Donate Using PayPal

 

Stay tuned for the next fundraiser...

The beginning of our Adoption Journey

I remember as a child having all of my baby dolls and playing "mommy". Feeding them their bottles and singing them a lullaby while rocking them to sleep. Even then I knew I always wanted to be a mommy.

Fast forward to my teen years babysittting and working in the nursery at the church where my Dad was the pastor. People walked into the church and handed their babies to me because I loved chubby rosy baby cheeks and their adorable toothless grins and drool covered chins.

Kevin and I met and fell in love fast. We were soulmates. We just fit together so perfectly. He is my best friend and the love of my life. While we were dating we had the talk about children and how we wanted a family.We discussed our desire to have a couple children of our own and then start fostering kids and even adopting when possible.

We got married March 10th, 2007 on a cold rainy day and had a relaxing honeymoon in the gorgeous Smokey Mountains of Gatlinburg, Tennesee. We decided a couple months later to not start "trying" to get pregnant but just let it happen naturally as to not have any pressure involved. We just went about our regular business and life went on. 

Well two years fly by and nothing is happening so I made the appointment with the specialist and got the news. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) which is the most common cause of infertility. Many tests and ultrasounds revealed 7 cysts on my ovaries and anovulatory cycles. 

Later on I went to the Emergency room with horrible abdominal pain and a fever and discovered one of my cysts had burst and during that stint in the hospital discovered I had uterine fibroids, another fertility roadblock.

I went to a specialist and he laid out my options the potential costs and risks. Kevin and I make enough money to pay our bills and lead a decent life we are in no way wealthy nor do we have endless supplies of money to drop on fertility treatments with 25% chance of successand if we were to get pregnant in the 25% window I would only have a 40% chance of being able to sustain the pregnancy. I am going to put it bluntly: Those odds Suck!

So that brings us to today, adoption, and our journey to parenthood. We are so excited and so ready! A lifetime of waiting and preparing to be the awesome parents we always dreamed we could be. Please help us on our journey by making a donation using the link to PayPal it is secure and the funds go to a special bank account designated just for adoption expense use. Click to donate to our Adoption Fund!